Smiles and Secrets

Lock it away
footsteps are coming
close the door, don't
let them see.

That is my secret room
where I do secret things.
I keep secrets from you.

When I hear your footsteps down the hall,
I close my dirty windows and shut the dirty door
and stuff my secret room in my pocket,
pretending you can't see the bulge in my coat.

I smile sweetly,
and you smile back.
I think I've gotten away,
but you know.

You know my secrets,
what I do in my secret room,
all tucked away in my coat,
dirty and mean.

I hate my secret room,
my secret doings.
And I hate hiding from you,
though you see me all the time.

And I hate how my secret room holds me,
taunts me,
hurts me.

It tempts me to come back in,
and then mocks me for succumbing.
It tells me I will never deserve your sweet smile

and I believe it.

So I cower in my secret room,
crying,
secretly continuing my doings,
secretly wanting to be rescued.