yet the bruises
go deeper than skin.
tears
and then I cry(gasp.pain),
big heartsobs.
insecurity
it never ends,
she listens to him too much.
yells
but then all is quiet.
is it safe to come out?(quick.check)
screams
or are those in my head?
no one will know.
no one ever knows.(ever)
==================
*original
Her father beats her;
no bruises show,
only tears.
Insecurity never ends.
Yelling,
Screaming,
Crying,
Laughs.
He shows love in odd ways.
Noone knows of this pain
except me,
because I hear what he calls her.
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1 comment:
Mmm...I like both versions, but the second one seems raw, and the first one seems more polished and adult. Some of my very exceptional 7th graders write raw poetry, but...with the subject matter, how polished do you want? There's something to be said for raw when you're talking about bruises and beatings.
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