Vent Session

The knots inside me
they twist and turn
and rot and burn
and scream out loud
dumbly
sickening pseudo smiles
seen-through, soften

I need debate
civilized and immature
whether legs-crossed or yelling
I need to calm the Hyde inside me
"What a wretched man I am!"
to do and think and say and mean
but not follow
The hyperbole of hypocrisy
coiled within
like a legless Lucifer
recently shorn and wanting revenge

I need release
but needing and wanting and doing,
the triptych of dilemmas,
are once again confused
and ultimately abandoned

Not again!
Never again will I
sit and stew and plot and brew
until I have convinced
myself to be in the right

while all the while
I am a one man army
too blind to realize
surrender is necessary for survival
too dumb to admit defeat and wrongfulness
too closed to grow

Never again.

But until my leader arises
I am stuck without support
like a goat offered for sacrifice
giving his last life-breath for the Lord.